Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
