my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
