I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
