i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
