On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
