I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My ATM looks so different sober.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i believe in u and ur pee
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