So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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