I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
