Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
