Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
