I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
