There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
