It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
