I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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