There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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