Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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