I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
