I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
