i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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