wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
