I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
