Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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