We're facebook friends in real life
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
