I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
