Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize