the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize