my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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