Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
