I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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