Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
