I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
