just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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