i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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