I like my sex mixed with concussions.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
