There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
