this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
