shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
