his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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