im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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