Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
