It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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