her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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