meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
