The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize