Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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