You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
