He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
