Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
not ubering you a puppy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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