im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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