Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
