I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
