i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
