Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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