I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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