i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
