I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Congratulations! We have a period
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize