There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
