My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
