she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize