I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
