I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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