So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
