while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
