I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
