He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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