so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
