Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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