Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
