I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
