I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
