he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
