I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
