Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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