Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
