I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
