i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
