actually, I'm a sock model
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
