i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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